Rudy Guliani: Victorious!

Somehow, someway, I have been leaked Rudy Guliani's victory speech that he has prepared for his "inevitable" primary victory in Florida, where he has almost exclusively campaigned to this point! Let's see what America's Mayor has to say:

You know, my favorite Beatles song was always "Happiness Is A Warm Gun". I think that song best describes how I'm feeling today, as Florida is quite warm and shaped like a gun.

I have a great deal of warm lead in my chest right now from the people of Florida. We won this primary through good old fashioned moxsy and gumption! Through sheer force of will I have taken Florida and soon I will take the world!

So to Mitt Romney, up yours! To John McCain, screw you! To Mike Huckabee, eff off! And Fred Thompson can just go die! I win! Just like in Highlander, there can be only one, and it will be Guliani!

::Then it says that Guliani is to stick his arms in the air, kinda like Nixon, and be carried off by the crowd chanting "Rude-ee, Rude-ee, Rude-ee!" like in his favorite movie::

State O Tha Union

Here we are, the last of George W. Bush's State of the Union addresses. Has it already been eight years? Man, does the time fly when things are shitty!

I'm watching the address as I write this and I think I'm seeing how truly silly this speech has become. Well, not so much the speech, but the television coverage of the speech. I really should have prepared a drinking game for this.

For instance, I could drink every time that the Republicans rise to clap and cheer and the Democrats just sit there. I could take a drink every time the camera switches to a prominent Democrat like Hilary Clinton and Barack Obama and find them scowling and/or bored (especially in the case of Senator Clinton.

I could take a drink every time I see Dick Cheney smirk and Nancy Pelosi grimace (how often these two thing s happen together is fairly amazing). Seeing these two sit next to each other in back of President Bush is hilarious in and of itself.

Observations:

- Seeing Ted Kennedy and Barack Obama sit next to each other is also pretty funny. Who wants to see these two crazy kids get together and be running mates? I sure do! I can think of only a few more awkward pairings than that (Ron Paul and Dick Cheney come to mind).

- Hilary Clinton looks like she wants to kill herself sitting there.

- Did Bush really bring up Colombia? Has someone been watching Clear And Present Danger?

- Dubya really should have shown up in a cowboy hat. Or maybe a spacesuit. It's his last SOTU, he might as well.

- Dick Cheney's making a face akin to a common gorilla.

- It feels like Bush is the principal of a high school scolding his students for doing lousy work and not doing what he tells them to.

- How does somebody get one of those great seats way up high in back of the President? That has to be the best seat in the house. You can take a nap there and still say you attended. I bet someone up there has a Nintendo DS.

Finally, does Congress really need to applaud after every bullet point the President makes? Jesus Christ this is boring, I could be watching Arrested Development instead. Let the great experiment begin!

Sigh

Today is a very sad day in the history of Steve.

Today I rooted for the New York Giants.

Yes, they were the lesser of two evils. I am extremely glad that Terrell Owens and Tony Romo are not advancing in the playoffs. I am glad that the Cowboys fans will be crawling back into the woodwork for a brief time. I am especially glad that T.O. cried.

But damnit, I rooted for Eli Manning today. And for that I feel dirty.

To the Eagles: I'm sorry baby, I'll try not to do it again. Please don't cry Donovan, it ain't like I had a choice!

SIGH...

Vote now!

Two new polls below folks, be sure to vote! It's your right as an (supposed) American!

Comeback Kid?

It's pretty amazing how Hilary Clinton was nearly the unanimous favorite for the Democratic nod among pundits before losing to Obama and Edwards in Iowa, yet her win in New Hampshire makes her a "comeback kid". It's almost like watching the Eagles/Patriots Superbowl. The Patriots were the clear favorite amongst NFL experts going into the game. The Eagles surprised people and took an early lead and looked good but when New England comes back people start yelling, "Yeah! No one respected them! That Tom Brady's a comeback kid!" No, they were the team predicted to win that has taken the expert predicted lead. Hilary's no comeback kid, she's still the favorite. I'm also still rooting for the underdog.

Campaign Trail Woes

Hey people who don't read this, I'm back! Not sure why I haven't posted in a month or so, so don't ask.

The presidential election of 2008 is starting to get pretty crazy (but not Pat Robertson crazy) and entertaining. Hilary Clinton hates Barack Obama, Mitt Romney and Mike Huckabee hate each other, everyone hates Hilary Clinton, Rudy Guliani wants to let people know that he was, in fact, the mayor of New York on September 11, 2001 in case they didn't know (they did), John Edwards and John McCain just wants to let everyone know that they're still here, and poor Bill Richardson just wants some love. Oh and Ron Paul's somewhere doing something that about 10% or less of people find astonishing for some reason.

After the Iowa caucuses, where front runners are decided in what I believe is some sort of harvest, Barack Obama and Mike Huckabee came out as the leaders in their respective parties, putting Hilary Clinton and Mitt Romney into panic mode.

Hilary's gotten to the point where she's looking extremely run down and discussing it in public.

Romney, on the other, much more red hand, has decided to just flat out start insulting Huckabee.

John McCain is finding New Hampshire to probably make or break his campaign.

My favorite strategy happens to be Rudy Guliani's "hang out in Florida and then strike!" strategy. Nah, there's no way he's just vacationing and pretending to work right? America's Mayor? No way would be do that!

I'm still waiting for my Dean scream people, don't let me down. This means you Mrs. Clinton.