Watchmen Review

"The order is
Rapidly fadin'.
And the first one now
Will later be last
For the times they are a-changin'."
- Bob Dylan, The Times They Are A-Changin'

Dylan's song is in the brilliant opening credits sequence to Watchmen, Zack Snyder's second comic book movie. Yet again Snyder has brilliantly captured the feel of the comic as he did with 300. The difference here is the scope and length. 300 was short enough where Snyder actually created content to fill in the backstory (basically everything that happens at home while Leonidas is at war). Watchmen is a far different and far denser beast. It's a layered comic and has an incredible amount of backstory despite only being a 12 issue series. Snyder really makes about as faithful a theatrical adaptation of Watchmen as can be made. The only thing that really differs is the ending, which I didn't mind but purists might have a problem with.

When discussing a comic book adaptation, one of the most important factors is characterization. As I stated before, this is an incredibly faithful adaptation, and that applies to the characters as well. Rorschach is the best realized of the bunch. He leaps off screen and owns every scene he's in. The Comedian and Dr. Manhattan are well represented as well (Dr. Manhattan a little TOO well represented in the nether regions). The Comedian was great, he's the star of the film in a sense. As for Dr. Manhattan, I'm glad they kept his voice subtle and not overpowering and god like. He's a normal man made into this all powerful being and you get that sense from the character. The scene showing his origin was particularly well done for Dr. Manhattan. Nite Owl could have been more pathetic, but was represented pretty well. Silk Spectre was fine (I didn't really care for her character in the comic so I suppose that's why I'm not up in arms about it like some critics). The only character whose portrayal bothered me was Ozymandias. He wasn't charismatic like he should have been and his costume was too dark. I'm not nitpicking with the costume comment here; Ozymandias was a bright character, who I always felt was sort of the Superman of the story in a sense. He's a public figure and the brightest of these heroes, he shouldn't be dressing in black and grey.

As for changes made, I thought the ending changes made sense for the most part, although I'm disappointed (but not surprised) that it was as optimistic as it was. Watchmen is an extremely depressing book and that's one of the things that makes it stand out. I'm not saying the ending is optimistic, but it's certainly doesn't have me asking, "Why do we even try?" like the book does.

One of the most interesting things with Watchmen is the soundtrack. It ranges from pitch perfect to "why the hell are they using this?" Bob Dylan's The Times They Are A-Changin' is the best usage. It is the absolute perfect song to use while showing the history of the Watchmen universe. Nat King Cole's Unforgettable is used to great impact during the death of the Comedian. I've also never thought I'm Your Boogie Man by KC and the Sunshine Band could be used to great effect. This film proved me wrong. Other choices don't work as well. I'm specifically thinking of Hallelujah by Leonard Cohen. It's used during an already awkward love scene and just adds to how odd it is. I also don't think that the lyrically appropriate Jimi Hendrix version of All Along The Watchtower fits as well as that incredible song should. It's an ambitious use of music and using music from popular culture works overall. The movie takes place over different eras in American history and the music helps reflect that.

While Watchmen the film has already gotten nowhere near the critical acclaim of the comic and probably never will, it still might have the effect the comic did on its genre, that of the comic book movie. In the 80s, Watchmen and The Dark Knight Returns really put comics on a more mature track. In the past year, The Dark Knight and Watchmen have made people reconsider how they think about the comic book movie genre. Watchmen is absolutely an adult film. It earned it's R rating. All joking about Dr. Manhattan's exposure aside, there is lots of sex, blood, gore, violence, and adult topics. Snyder gets this absolutely right. Watchmen needs every bit of this. Losing this element basically destroys the movie. Rorschach's scenes are especially brutal. The brutality adds to the thought that these are some seriously fucked up superheroes. This isn't Spider-Man or Superman. They aren't the Justice League, they're the Watchmen. And the Watchmen are fucked up. Just like life is.

WORLD CHAMPIONS!

I can't believe I'm saying this. I can't believe I'm actually seeing this.

The Philadelphia Phillies are World Champions.

MY PHILLIES are World Champs.

The team I've rooted for my entire life. My first sports love. A Philly team pulled it off.

I'm excited and I don't even think it's sunk in yet.

It felt like everything was against us. The broadcasters. The nation. Major League Baseball. Mother Nature. Yet the Phils kept their cool and won the championship.

They did it for Moyer. They did it for Charlie. They did it for each other.

They did it for Philadelphia.

The Phillies mean a lot to me. Some of my best memories are from Phillies games. I've had amazing times at games with my friends. Some of my best moments with my dad are at Phils games. We rented out a box for my friend Kevin's bachelor party at a Phils game. The Phanatic sat on me and gave my sister Sabrina Dave Hollins' hat.

The last birthday gift my mom ever gave me was a Ryan Howard jersey.

Words fail to describe how this feels. I haven't seen a major championship in this city in my lifetime.

It's finally here.

Congrats to the 2008 World Champion Philadelphia Phillies.

And more importantly, thank you.

Of Mice and Batmen

The summer's super duper uber smash hit was the latest Batman film The Dark Knight. It was a fantastic film about a man trying to save the city he loves from chaos and anarchy. Well at least it appeared to be this, until movie critics taught me otherwise and showed me the error of my ways.

You see, The Dark Knight isn't so much about Batman vs. the Joker. No no no, it's about the War on Terror! If you don't see it you obviously are mentally disabled. I mean, isn't it obvious that Batman is the U.S. trying to cope with terrorism. I was completely stupid to assume this was a story about Batman. Completely stupid. NOTHING IS AS IT SEEMS! TAKE THE RED PILL! MATRIX MATRIX MATRIX!

But I digress.

Now seeing the light of what this film truly means, I could only imagine the depth to be found in the classic Adam West Batman film from the 1960s.

The following may shock you. If you want to continue taking your blue pill and not knowing THE TRUTH and do not want to delve further into the rabbit hole, DO NOT CONTINUE READING!!!!?!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!!!

The 1960s Batman film is liberal propaganda for the 2004 presidential election.

Now you may be asking yourself, "How can this be?" Well that's simple dummy: Time Travel!

But that's also besides the point; let's look at the facts here on a character by character basis.

First and foremost comes President George W. Bush, who is represented as the Joker in this film.
The Joker, much like Bush, is at the bottom rung of his evil organization despite being the biggest name of the bunch. He is goofy, silly, incompetent, and has to fetch tea for a British guy (Tony Blair anyone?). He is at best a figurehead, laughing like an idiot and doing little else.

Dick Cheney represents the most obvious of the bunch as he is represented as the Penguin in this film.
Both Cheney and the Penguin are the brains of their respective operations. They command with a scowl and act almost exactly the same in every way. There are few, if any, differences between Dick Cheney and the Penguin.

Next up is an old favorite of mine: Donald "Rummy" Rumsfeld is portrayed as the Riddler in this film.
Both are maniacal, surly, and speak in riddles. Both the Riddler and Rummy love to waste military resources for silly tricks! And to boot, the Riddler looks a bit like a young Donald Rumsfeld! You go to war with the riddles you have, not the riddles you wish you had.

The final piece of the Bush Administration in this film is Condaleeza Rice, who is portrayed in the form of Catwoman. Now, before you mention it, yes, Condaleeza is black and movie Catwoman is white. HOWEVER, the role of Catwoman was handled by 3 different actresses, one of whom was Eartha Kitt!
There was some controversy as the writers expected Ms. Kitt to play Catwoman, but the producers went with the more recognizable Julie Newmar. Condy and Catwoman have much in common in the movie as both are enticing women that know how to pretend to be Russians. Plus, huge cockteases in both cases.

Also consider that the main plot for this film involves the alliance of villains actually dissolving the U.N., something the Bush Administration has longed to do for a while now.

Now, considering this is liberal propaganda, who are represented by the film's protagonists, Batman and Robin? None other than 2004's Democratic presidential candidates John Kerry and John Edwards!
Sure, they didn't taste victory like the dynamic duo, but they sure did try hard!

And of course there is the little known fact that the famous line, "Some days you just can't get rid of a bomb!" was originally, "Some days you just can't find weapons of mass destruction to justify your war!" It was changed because it was too direct and didn't fit the scene.

Dun na na na na na Kerry! Kerry! Kerry!

Favorite Endings

Well call me bored, here's a "for the hell of it" post.


Here are a few of my favorite movie endings.

Unforgiven
My favorite western also has one of my favorite endings. William Munny finds that his friend Ned has been killed by Little Bill and decides to enact his grim revenge. The systematic method that Munny uses to take down 5 men in the bar outside which Ned's body has been posted as an example is brutal and fantastic. This man has spent the entire movie attempting to deny his history of alcoholism and violence (see how I avoided using the phrase history of violence! yay me!) and the murder of his closest friend has washed all that away. Between Eastwood's final interaction with Gene Hackman ("I'll see you in hell William Munny" "Yeah.") and Eastwood's warning to the town threatening to kill everyone in the town if they don't change, Unforgiven truly has one of the greatest endings.

Iron Man
Robert Downey Jr. plays a pitch perfect Tony Stark (so much so that he is better than any version I've ever read in the comics) and ends the movie on the perfect note. Instead of trying to fool everyone into thinking he's not Iron Man by saying that Iron Man is his bodyguard (S.H.I.E.L.D.'s suggestion and the cover used often in the comics), Stark just comes out and says he is Iron Man. Beautiful.

Batman Begins
Jim Gordon: Now, take this new guy. Armed robbery, double homicide. Got a taste for the theatrical. Like you. Leaves a calling card. [hands Batman a Joker playing card]
Batman: I'll look into it.
Perfectly sets up the Dark Knight and is freakin' cool!

The Empire Strikes Back
The original dark ending. Luke finds out his greatest foe is his father, Han's frozen in carbonite, and man, Luke lost his hand! Everything goes to hell for the rebellion in this movie and it is glorious.

How about you, the people who don't read this? What are some of your favorite movie endings? Comments section!

LOSERS

According to Wikipedia, Sarah Palin and Rudy Guliani find the following people to be jokes for helping their communities:

• Jane Addams
• Saul Alinsky
• Daniel Berrigan
• Jim Capraro
• Gale Cincotta
• Edward T. Chambers
• César Chávez
• Bert Corona
• Ernesto Cortes
• Dorothy Day
• John W. Gardner
• Michael Gecan
• Samuel Gompers
• Che Guevara
• Myles Horton
• Jesse Jackson
• Jane Jacobs
• Mother Jones
• Si Kahn
• Martin Luther King, Jr.
• John Lewis
• John L. Lewis
• Barack Obama
• Fred Ross, Sr.
• Al Sharpton
• Jasimen Syler
• Joe Szakos
• Shel Trapp
• Paul Wellstone
• Malcolm X

Shame on these people for trying to make a difference and not being mayors!!! Guliani and Palin laugh at you and enjoy your tears!

Victory!

Did we win the Iraq war and no one tell me??? John McCain seems to think so...

Man, I need to keep on my news!

Secret Agents Of Change

Hello folks. Steve here, it's only been...a while since I posted. No harm though, as this blog is essentially the same as talking to myself.

Anyway, election season is in full swing! Candidates are selected, as are their VP choices. The Democratic National Convention was last week in Colorado. Ted Kennedy arose and gave a great endorsement speech for Obama. I was going to post my leak of what Hillary Clinton was going to say in her speech but she beat me to the punch with something completely different...she wholeheartedly backed Barack Obama and gave him a ringing endorsement! And then Bill Clinton did it! Whaaaaa?

Obama chose Delaware Senator Joe Biden as his running mate. It was a solid move with a spoonful of controversy as Biden has a bit of a big mouth. Nonetheless, Obama chose wisely and was not turned into Christopher Lloyd by the Holy Grail.


Obama also accepted the nomination in front of over 80,000 people on a football field, which is, to quote a wise scholar, "bitchin!" A very solid DNC for the Democrats in which they remained on point, stayed relatively respectful to their opponents, and even let the Christmas Elf Dennis Kucinich speak!

Now the RNC is this week. Who has McCain chosen for his running mate? Duracell man Mitt Romney?
Nah...

How about Mike Huckabee? Or Tom Ridge? Or even your good buddy Joe Lieberman?

No, none of them? Who else is there McCain!?

Sarah Palin? The governor of Alaska? Kay...

Fair enough I suppose...

She has been governor for less than two years now and has some family stuff that Republicans LOVE to hear about but I could care less about.

But hey, apparently she's got a wicked tongue!

Her first speech as McCain's running mate was a doozy (they still say doozy right? is that too 1950s? Wait, I'm talking about the Republicans, NOTHING can be TOO 1950s...). She called out Barack Obama on a number of things, namely his inexperience (him being a Senator for two years but actually running for president for half of that, versus her who has been governor of a state that's got more in common with Canada than the U.S. for two years, was in some beauty paegants, and shot a moose!). See, Barack Obama's never shot a moose!

But I digress. And with that, some random thoughts to close out the entry:

- How must it feel to be McCain and having your mortality questioned at every turn? Every time people mention McCain, they state his age as a major factor, as if the looming spectre of death is haunting him with every step. Palin's nomination especially plays into this as said looming spectre could cause her to be President of the United States ::shudder::

- I swear I heard Cindy McCain say today that Palin is ready to be commander-in-chief because she governs the state closest to Russia, so she feels that pressure. Is this Israel with Russians starting skirmishes on the border? Are we being invaded and if so, why did no one tell me!? I swear this was said...and if it's not just a hallucination, this becomes the most numbing statement of the election thus far.

- Can the Republicans please stop making fun of Barack Obama's former job as a community organizer? I know they don't care about people in cities, but community organizers actually play an important and active role in cities. Blows my mind what issues get brought up by the GOP. Are they going to criticize the pieces of patriotic flair that Obama wears again? Ugh...

- I love how the Republicans are now calling themselves the agents of change. How can this be? Will you morph into another party upon election? Perhaps form a facist regime (enough with this voting nonsense!)? 2008 Republicans, Secret Agents of Change!

- I am fairly certain that James Carville spends his nights in a cave. The man looks like Gollum!

- With the looming spectre of death over McCain's head apparently, this election could quickly fall to VP candidate vs. Presidential candidate. Would it look anything like this?