Of Mice and Batmen

The summer's super duper uber smash hit was the latest Batman film The Dark Knight. It was a fantastic film about a man trying to save the city he loves from chaos and anarchy. Well at least it appeared to be this, until movie critics taught me otherwise and showed me the error of my ways.

You see, The Dark Knight isn't so much about Batman vs. the Joker. No no no, it's about the War on Terror! If you don't see it you obviously are mentally disabled. I mean, isn't it obvious that Batman is the U.S. trying to cope with terrorism. I was completely stupid to assume this was a story about Batman. Completely stupid. NOTHING IS AS IT SEEMS! TAKE THE RED PILL! MATRIX MATRIX MATRIX!

But I digress.

Now seeing the light of what this film truly means, I could only imagine the depth to be found in the classic Adam West Batman film from the 1960s.

The following may shock you. If you want to continue taking your blue pill and not knowing THE TRUTH and do not want to delve further into the rabbit hole, DO NOT CONTINUE READING!!!!?!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!!!

The 1960s Batman film is liberal propaganda for the 2004 presidential election.

Now you may be asking yourself, "How can this be?" Well that's simple dummy: Time Travel!

But that's also besides the point; let's look at the facts here on a character by character basis.

First and foremost comes President George W. Bush, who is represented as the Joker in this film.
The Joker, much like Bush, is at the bottom rung of his evil organization despite being the biggest name of the bunch. He is goofy, silly, incompetent, and has to fetch tea for a British guy (Tony Blair anyone?). He is at best a figurehead, laughing like an idiot and doing little else.

Dick Cheney represents the most obvious of the bunch as he is represented as the Penguin in this film.
Both Cheney and the Penguin are the brains of their respective operations. They command with a scowl and act almost exactly the same in every way. There are few, if any, differences between Dick Cheney and the Penguin.

Next up is an old favorite of mine: Donald "Rummy" Rumsfeld is portrayed as the Riddler in this film.
Both are maniacal, surly, and speak in riddles. Both the Riddler and Rummy love to waste military resources for silly tricks! And to boot, the Riddler looks a bit like a young Donald Rumsfeld! You go to war with the riddles you have, not the riddles you wish you had.

The final piece of the Bush Administration in this film is Condaleeza Rice, who is portrayed in the form of Catwoman. Now, before you mention it, yes, Condaleeza is black and movie Catwoman is white. HOWEVER, the role of Catwoman was handled by 3 different actresses, one of whom was Eartha Kitt!
There was some controversy as the writers expected Ms. Kitt to play Catwoman, but the producers went with the more recognizable Julie Newmar. Condy and Catwoman have much in common in the movie as both are enticing women that know how to pretend to be Russians. Plus, huge cockteases in both cases.

Also consider that the main plot for this film involves the alliance of villains actually dissolving the U.N., something the Bush Administration has longed to do for a while now.

Now, considering this is liberal propaganda, who are represented by the film's protagonists, Batman and Robin? None other than 2004's Democratic presidential candidates John Kerry and John Edwards!
Sure, they didn't taste victory like the dynamic duo, but they sure did try hard!

And of course there is the little known fact that the famous line, "Some days you just can't get rid of a bomb!" was originally, "Some days you just can't find weapons of mass destruction to justify your war!" It was changed because it was too direct and didn't fit the scene.

Dun na na na na na Kerry! Kerry! Kerry!

State O Tha Union

Here we are, the last of George W. Bush's State of the Union addresses. Has it already been eight years? Man, does the time fly when things are shitty!

I'm watching the address as I write this and I think I'm seeing how truly silly this speech has become. Well, not so much the speech, but the television coverage of the speech. I really should have prepared a drinking game for this.

For instance, I could drink every time that the Republicans rise to clap and cheer and the Democrats just sit there. I could take a drink every time the camera switches to a prominent Democrat like Hilary Clinton and Barack Obama and find them scowling and/or bored (especially in the case of Senator Clinton.

I could take a drink every time I see Dick Cheney smirk and Nancy Pelosi grimace (how often these two thing s happen together is fairly amazing). Seeing these two sit next to each other in back of President Bush is hilarious in and of itself.

Observations:

- Seeing Ted Kennedy and Barack Obama sit next to each other is also pretty funny. Who wants to see these two crazy kids get together and be running mates? I sure do! I can think of only a few more awkward pairings than that (Ron Paul and Dick Cheney come to mind).

- Hilary Clinton looks like she wants to kill herself sitting there.

- Did Bush really bring up Colombia? Has someone been watching Clear And Present Danger?

- Dubya really should have shown up in a cowboy hat. Or maybe a spacesuit. It's his last SOTU, he might as well.

- Dick Cheney's making a face akin to a common gorilla.

- It feels like Bush is the principal of a high school scolding his students for doing lousy work and not doing what he tells them to.

- How does somebody get one of those great seats way up high in back of the President? That has to be the best seat in the house. You can take a nap there and still say you attended. I bet someone up there has a Nintendo DS.

Finally, does Congress really need to applaud after every bullet point the President makes? Jesus Christ this is boring, I could be watching Arrested Development instead. Let the great experiment begin!