Rudy Guliani: Victorious!

Somehow, someway, I have been leaked Rudy Guliani's victory speech that he has prepared for his "inevitable" primary victory in Florida, where he has almost exclusively campaigned to this point! Let's see what America's Mayor has to say:

You know, my favorite Beatles song was always "Happiness Is A Warm Gun". I think that song best describes how I'm feeling today, as Florida is quite warm and shaped like a gun.

I have a great deal of warm lead in my chest right now from the people of Florida. We won this primary through good old fashioned moxsy and gumption! Through sheer force of will I have taken Florida and soon I will take the world!

So to Mitt Romney, up yours! To John McCain, screw you! To Mike Huckabee, eff off! And Fred Thompson can just go die! I win! Just like in Highlander, there can be only one, and it will be Guliani!

::Then it says that Guliani is to stick his arms in the air, kinda like Nixon, and be carried off by the crowd chanting "Rude-ee, Rude-ee, Rude-ee!" like in his favorite movie::

Campaign Trail Woes

Hey people who don't read this, I'm back! Not sure why I haven't posted in a month or so, so don't ask.

The presidential election of 2008 is starting to get pretty crazy (but not Pat Robertson crazy) and entertaining. Hilary Clinton hates Barack Obama, Mitt Romney and Mike Huckabee hate each other, everyone hates Hilary Clinton, Rudy Guliani wants to let people know that he was, in fact, the mayor of New York on September 11, 2001 in case they didn't know (they did), John Edwards and John McCain just wants to let everyone know that they're still here, and poor Bill Richardson just wants some love. Oh and Ron Paul's somewhere doing something that about 10% or less of people find astonishing for some reason.

After the Iowa caucuses, where front runners are decided in what I believe is some sort of harvest, Barack Obama and Mike Huckabee came out as the leaders in their respective parties, putting Hilary Clinton and Mitt Romney into panic mode.

Hilary's gotten to the point where she's looking extremely run down and discussing it in public.

Romney, on the other, much more red hand, has decided to just flat out start insulting Huckabee.

John McCain is finding New Hampshire to probably make or break his campaign.

My favorite strategy happens to be Rudy Guliani's "hang out in Florida and then strike!" strategy. Nah, there's no way he's just vacationing and pretending to work right? America's Mayor? No way would be do that!

I'm still waiting for my Dean scream people, don't let me down. This means you Mrs. Clinton.