Of Mice and Batmen

The summer's super duper uber smash hit was the latest Batman film The Dark Knight. It was a fantastic film about a man trying to save the city he loves from chaos and anarchy. Well at least it appeared to be this, until movie critics taught me otherwise and showed me the error of my ways.

You see, The Dark Knight isn't so much about Batman vs. the Joker. No no no, it's about the War on Terror! If you don't see it you obviously are mentally disabled. I mean, isn't it obvious that Batman is the U.S. trying to cope with terrorism. I was completely stupid to assume this was a story about Batman. Completely stupid. NOTHING IS AS IT SEEMS! TAKE THE RED PILL! MATRIX MATRIX MATRIX!

But I digress.

Now seeing the light of what this film truly means, I could only imagine the depth to be found in the classic Adam West Batman film from the 1960s.

The following may shock you. If you want to continue taking your blue pill and not knowing THE TRUTH and do not want to delve further into the rabbit hole, DO NOT CONTINUE READING!!!!?!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!!!

The 1960s Batman film is liberal propaganda for the 2004 presidential election.

Now you may be asking yourself, "How can this be?" Well that's simple dummy: Time Travel!

But that's also besides the point; let's look at the facts here on a character by character basis.

First and foremost comes President George W. Bush, who is represented as the Joker in this film.
The Joker, much like Bush, is at the bottom rung of his evil organization despite being the biggest name of the bunch. He is goofy, silly, incompetent, and has to fetch tea for a British guy (Tony Blair anyone?). He is at best a figurehead, laughing like an idiot and doing little else.

Dick Cheney represents the most obvious of the bunch as he is represented as the Penguin in this film.
Both Cheney and the Penguin are the brains of their respective operations. They command with a scowl and act almost exactly the same in every way. There are few, if any, differences between Dick Cheney and the Penguin.

Next up is an old favorite of mine: Donald "Rummy" Rumsfeld is portrayed as the Riddler in this film.
Both are maniacal, surly, and speak in riddles. Both the Riddler and Rummy love to waste military resources for silly tricks! And to boot, the Riddler looks a bit like a young Donald Rumsfeld! You go to war with the riddles you have, not the riddles you wish you had.

The final piece of the Bush Administration in this film is Condaleeza Rice, who is portrayed in the form of Catwoman. Now, before you mention it, yes, Condaleeza is black and movie Catwoman is white. HOWEVER, the role of Catwoman was handled by 3 different actresses, one of whom was Eartha Kitt!
There was some controversy as the writers expected Ms. Kitt to play Catwoman, but the producers went with the more recognizable Julie Newmar. Condy and Catwoman have much in common in the movie as both are enticing women that know how to pretend to be Russians. Plus, huge cockteases in both cases.

Also consider that the main plot for this film involves the alliance of villains actually dissolving the U.N., something the Bush Administration has longed to do for a while now.

Now, considering this is liberal propaganda, who are represented by the film's protagonists, Batman and Robin? None other than 2004's Democratic presidential candidates John Kerry and John Edwards!
Sure, they didn't taste victory like the dynamic duo, but they sure did try hard!

And of course there is the little known fact that the famous line, "Some days you just can't get rid of a bomb!" was originally, "Some days you just can't find weapons of mass destruction to justify your war!" It was changed because it was too direct and didn't fit the scene.

Dun na na na na na Kerry! Kerry! Kerry!

Comeback Kid?

It's pretty amazing how Hilary Clinton was nearly the unanimous favorite for the Democratic nod among pundits before losing to Obama and Edwards in Iowa, yet her win in New Hampshire makes her a "comeback kid". It's almost like watching the Eagles/Patriots Superbowl. The Patriots were the clear favorite amongst NFL experts going into the game. The Eagles surprised people and took an early lead and looked good but when New England comes back people start yelling, "Yeah! No one respected them! That Tom Brady's a comeback kid!" No, they were the team predicted to win that has taken the expert predicted lead. Hilary's no comeback kid, she's still the favorite. I'm also still rooting for the underdog.

Campaign Trail Woes

Hey people who don't read this, I'm back! Not sure why I haven't posted in a month or so, so don't ask.

The presidential election of 2008 is starting to get pretty crazy (but not Pat Robertson crazy) and entertaining. Hilary Clinton hates Barack Obama, Mitt Romney and Mike Huckabee hate each other, everyone hates Hilary Clinton, Rudy Guliani wants to let people know that he was, in fact, the mayor of New York on September 11, 2001 in case they didn't know (they did), John Edwards and John McCain just wants to let everyone know that they're still here, and poor Bill Richardson just wants some love. Oh and Ron Paul's somewhere doing something that about 10% or less of people find astonishing for some reason.

After the Iowa caucuses, where front runners are decided in what I believe is some sort of harvest, Barack Obama and Mike Huckabee came out as the leaders in their respective parties, putting Hilary Clinton and Mitt Romney into panic mode.

Hilary's gotten to the point where she's looking extremely run down and discussing it in public.

Romney, on the other, much more red hand, has decided to just flat out start insulting Huckabee.

John McCain is finding New Hampshire to probably make or break his campaign.

My favorite strategy happens to be Rudy Guliani's "hang out in Florida and then strike!" strategy. Nah, there's no way he's just vacationing and pretending to work right? America's Mayor? No way would be do that!

I'm still waiting for my Dean scream people, don't let me down. This means you Mrs. Clinton.