Having not won a major sports championship since 1983, many Philadelphians wonder if perhaps we are cursed. Many believe that when we built a building taller than the William Penn statue on City Hall, we were forever destined to be losers. Many of my generation, those being born in 1984 or around then, wonder if perhaps we are cursed.
I think Rocky IV is the curse.
Sure, Rocky avenges his friend's death AND ends the Cold War, but at what cost? Rocky's at his most articulate, and also at his most ridiculous, beating a gigantic Russian that could have possibly swallowed him whole if he so chose. Has Rocky's final true victory in the ring cursed the four major teams?
The only way to know for sure is to make a true sequel to Rocky IV. Rocky V is garbage, and Rocky Balboa actually is pretty good. Rocky IV was over the top and had that stupid inexplicable robot. We need to jump the Rocky shark one last time. Only this time Rocky doesn't end the Cold War, but rather the War on Terror.
That's right, Rocky Vs. Osama bin Laden.
We pull out all the stops. Absurd training sequence in the mountains of Afghanistan. Paulie tumbling over while complaining. That damn robot! Cheesy 80s soundtrack and gay montage of Rocky and Apollo training on the beach!
Dammit, I just want one of the 4 major teams to win a championship!
It's up to you Rock, it's as that awful song from Rocky IV's driving montage says, "There's no easy way out!"
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