One More Crappy Storyline

I am a sucker for big comic book events. This is one of the undeniable facts of my life. I very much enjoy them (although usually it's more for the buildup than the execution). However, I have always found the quieter/funny moments in Peter Parker/Spider-Man's life to be better than much of the action. Ultimate Spider-Man does this incredibly well, perhaps that's why it's one of my top titles every month.

Occasionally J. Michael Straczynski has written an excellent Peter Parker and supporting cast in his long run on Amazing Spider-Man. Sure there have been some been some bumps in the road (see the atrocity that is Sins Past as well as the mediocre at best The Other), but otherwise he has had a successful, albeit very strange run on the book.

Why the hell is he ending it like this then?

Until now, I was one of the few fans who had no problem with Marvel editor-in-chief Joe Quesada. The company's been very successful under him and many good titles have come out as well as many classic titles improved during his tenure. He has always been adamant about having an unmarried Peter Parker. He felt it aged the character too much. Old man Parker.

I myself thought a married Peter was fine. The character is allowed to evolve, and most of the best things in Straczynski's run have revolved around their relationship and why it works. JMS actually made me really like the marriage.

So One More Day is the current storyline and it promises to shake up Peter Parker's world. Fair enough. At the end of the Civil War storyline, a sniper tried to shoot Peter and accidentally hit his dear old Aunt May in the abdomen, putting her in a coma and Peter into a murderous rage. Pete confronted the Kingpin blahblahblah Back in Black and whatnot, whatnot, whatnot. In One More Day thus far, Pete has tried to get help from Iron Man by yelling at him and punching him while Iron Man equally overreacted by just yelling "Turn yourself in Peter!" over and over. Right-o. Next up Peter visited Dr. Strange, who told Senor Spidey that Aunt May was DOOMED! Apparently even the gold kid from the New X-Men who can heal almost anything (including a giant spike impaled through Kitty Pryde and Colossus) cannot heal an old woman in a coma from a bullet wound. So what the hell is the twist? We're halfway through the storyline and have no clue what it's title means.

This is where part 3 kicks in kiddies!

Part 3 starts with a little girl coming to Peter and showing him two alternate versions of himself, one a lonely and overweight video game designer, the other a successful prick inventor. Okay. Both lament never having a woman to spend their life with, which you think would give Mista Parker a clue as to cherishing his wife, but this will be brought up again very soon. So what's with this little redhead girl? Is it the mysterious Parker baby from the clone saga that packed it's bags and was never heard from again? Maybe Norman Osborn didn't eat it for breakfast after all!

Nah bitches, it's just Mephisto!

...what?

Yup, the fucking devil wants to make a deal with the Sensational, Spectacular, sometimes even Amazing Spider-Man! COME ON! SERIOUSLY? THE DEVIL?

But wait, he can save Aunt May! Ooooooooo! Surely this isn't a trick!

OH yeah, he only wants Peter and Mary Jane's love for each other. That's all. And Peter considers it. Yup. That's just what Aunt May wants, Peter to make a deal with the devil so that she can live. The best part about it is that Mephisto will even put Peter and MJ through the Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind treatment. For no extra cost! What a nice guy!

Hey man, they got 24 hours to decide too, awesome!

This is awful stuff folks. Are you telling me that Pete is even going to consider making a deal with the devil, even for a minute? I know he loves his Aunt, and he had to see Aunt May die once before (beautifully written in Amazing Spider-Man # 400, when it should have been PERMANENT), but he didn't whine and bitch like this then. Great power and great responsibility? Not to be found here.

But Steve, maybe they won't do it, maybe they'll let Aunt May pass on and continue on with their young lives!

Nope, Marvel hates the marriage, they want Pete to be a swinging bachelor. Swing pun only slightly intended.

Honestly Marvel, do you NOT want me to buy thrice monthly Amazing? It seems that way. OY!